Has Mr. Clause had a CRB check?

In this modern era of health and safety and CRB checks a thought came to me and a friend the other day. We were sitting in Alan England's Electronics lesson on thursday listening to Alan's Christmas music he puts on when it is nearly the holidays when we heard a certain line from a song about Santa.

"He knows when you're asleep"

Sorry but is it just me or does the thought of a grown man who knows when young children are asleep, then he comes down the chimney not even through the front door, and then sometimes he even goes into childrens rooms...Sorry ladies and gentlemen but there is a distinct possibly that Santa could be a paedophile! *waits for stones to come flying* I mean does anybody know who he really is? Has anybody made him do a CRB check? Legend has it he lives with a load of elves, I dont even want to know how he got he got the elves...for all we know he could have abducted hundreds of children and mutilated them...I mean what really do we know about this man Santa Clause is that really his name?!?

I therefore urge you this december 25th to block up your chimney lock your doors...and if you hear the sound of reindeer feet on your roof keep an eye on your children.